Life
Destiny has such playful hands. It has the capacity to bring sadness, chaos and even nightmares in our lives. But as we struggle for survival, courage and perseverance must reside in our hearts. These become our weapons in this huge battlefield of life, and help us to become true heroes in our own wars.
I am a very diligent student. I am a consistent part of the Director’s List and even succeeded of being one of the top students in the whole batch. I am an editor in the Filipino School paper, “Bagwis Agham”, a dancer, a singer, an actress and also a painter. All in all, I could say that I am indeed a very busy person. For a girl of my age, I am quite strict and intimidating. I always have something to do and always have something to be bothered about; a research paper deadline, a dance contest, a school play or a press work. My life seemed to revolve around the notion that life is always about being on top. I didn’t care about how other people will think of what I do. I am far more concerned about my busy life. The belief that being “perfect” will make me happy was the thing that used to drive my life. But there was this one experience which changed my views, and also changed the manner I do things.
There was this night around January, when we had a farewell party for my grandmother. She was returning to Alaska on the next day and it will be long before she can visit us here in the Philippines again. The people were so happy on that night. Although, that happiness mingled with a pinch of sadness because we knew that we won’t be seeing her for a long time. But the spirit of togetherness dominated the ambiance of that celebration. All my close relatives on the mother side were there, my aunts, cousins, nephews, and nieces. Everyone was laughing and everyone had a joke or two to share.
The party just went on until one of my nieces, Jessa, said that she is already going home, with her grandparents, Aunt Tessy and Uncle Ben. Jessa is one of my closest nieces since we also used to be door to door neighbors. We all bid them goodbye and the rest of the children continued watching television with me. Five minutes passed and things were in normal mode when a neighbor suddenly came to my grandmother’s house and said that we need to rush to the nearby hospital, just around the block. He said that there was an accident, and Jessa, together with my aunt and uncle, was involved. We rushed to the hospital by foot. I was not that scared that time, neither was I rattled because I thought that it was just a minor accident. When we got closer to the hospital, we noticed that there were so many people outside. This was the time when I started to be bothered. I realized that it was not just any joke, and that Jessa’s life could be in great danger.
When we entered, I saw my aunt in the stretcher, with blood splattered around her body. My cousin and my mother rushed towards her, but I didn’t stay there for too long. I wanted to find Jessa. I saw from afar that my uncle was not hurt. It was just a small hospital and there were not much available beds. I had to look for her everywhere. Then suddenly, I saw her in a small clinic on a check-up table severely bathed in blood. I did not know what to say that time, nor I did not know how to react. I just felt a sudden rush of fear filling my chest. After a while, I started to cry. I was so scared of what could happen to her.
I suddenly remembered all the things that I thought that was important in my life. I thought about all the things that I fuzz about, and of how insignificant they were compared to the life of that little girl lying on that check-up table. I could see grasping for air as she breathes heavily. I prayed on that very moment that I won’t care about anything else in this world, just let that little girl live. Then suddenly my niece spoke and said “Ate ayaw ug hilak”(Ate, please don’t cry). Tears even rushed on my face even more, but I tried to muffle so that she won’t hear me. Both her eyes were closed and her left eye was blood shot. Her mother (my cousin) approached me from the back and started to cry as well, holding her daughter’s hand. But she backed of and said to me “Kim, maluoy ka sa ako” “Kim, please have mercy on me”. It was like she was asking me to take care of Jessa. She can’t stand seeing her daughter in such condition. Then my cousin went to her mother’s room. Suddenly, Jessa started to call her mother, but I said she was not there. She asked me to hold her hand and tell her stories. I asked her what stories she would like, and she said, only the happy ones. The nurse was dressing the wound on her forehead when the doctor asked me to keep the girl awake. Her life could be in danger, and if she sleeps, she may not wake up again. I kept telling her not to sleep, while pinching her palm. I was so worried when she kept on saying that she wants to take a nap. But I kept on telling her not too do so, and even scolded her. She was still a very stubborn child, in spite of her condition.
We were waiting for an ambulance to take us to a bigger hospital when she suddenly had a seizure. I was more terrified than ever. Thank God the seizure was not for long. I continually praised God’s name when she was stable again. Then the ambulance came. We would have to take them to a hospital where they can have a CT scan and make sure that there were no cerebral damages or broken bones.
On the other hospital, I had to be with her on the CT scan. Her mother was there too. I remembered my niece crying that time, complaining that the table was too cold. I saw tears rushed into her mothers eyes and that how worried she was about her daughter. We had to embrace her to keep her warm, as we waited patiently in that silent and cold room. We kept on telling Jessa not to sleep that time. She had another seizure which made the pang inside me more unbearable than ever.
When she was stable again, I accompanied her on the operating room. Someone had to assist the doctors as they stitched all of Jessa’s wounds. She was a very hard headed child, so they needed someone to direct her what to do and how to behave during the whole operation. I didn’t know what time it was anymore. When she was sent to the intensive care unit, for observation, I went to the waiting area where my other relatives were. I was so tired that night that I was even able to curl myself on a chair, and sleep.
The next day, I visited her and she was already in better condition. She asked me why I was there. Everyone told her that I still needed to study for my achievement test on that same week. But I said that I still wanted to be there. We talked for a while and I later found out that two vehicles hit their motorcycle consecutively, causing that much damage. There came a time when her mother went to us and asked her to sleep but she refused. Then she asked me when I will go home and study. Then I explained that maybe later. Then she said that she will sleep, and then I would have to go home and study. I was so touched about this, that she would still think of making me study. “She is still a very stubborn child …”, I said to myself while smiling.
When I went home I studied there and as I scanned to every page of my notes, I thought of my niece and of how she wanted me to study my lessons. I said to myself that if I will be a DL for that quarter, it will be for her and the rest of my family, who even thinks of my betterment in spite of the circumstances. They really look up on me and they appreciate how I take everything I do seriously. I used to think that people didn’t care about what I do that all they care about are themselves as well. I didn’t know how selfish I used to be, and of how I prejudged other people’s view on me.
I started to reflect on my life. I thought of how much stress I placed myself into, with all the pressures I gave myself. I realized how stubborn I was to demand for so much from other people just to satisfy my so-called being a perfectionist. On that night, a little girl almost lost her life, and yet she still remained a child; young, innocent and blameless. I never thought that life could be that fragile, and that we should make the most out of it since it can be taken from us any time. I started to understand the importance of the people around me, and that we should still take time to enjoy the things we love, even if we have goals to pursue. Everything should be done with our own love and passion, but also with inspiration from the people we value. That incident made me realize that we should do our best, not only for ourselves but also for others who look up on us, especially those who truly love us.
Several days weeks had passed when Jessa and I saw each other again. Ofcourse, we occasionally text each other before that. I noticed that the scar on her forehead was already starting to heal. Then she said to me that she is still under medication. Some nerves were damaged on her left eye and that there is a possibility for her to be blind. Until now she is still under medication, and we all pray for her complete recovery. She is now still a very cheerful girl, and still with a very stubborn nature. My aunt didn’t experience that much injury and only Jessa is now medicated.
Things do occur in life and sometimes these could make or break our spirit. But we just have to keep in mind that God has a reason for all things. That incident made me mature as a human being. It also made me realize a lot of realities in life. Sufferings are not always caused by sin, but they can also be tests. Even the most devastating phenomena have reasons. We just have to trust Him, and never lose our faith.
Kimberly H. Carrillo
